They Took My Toothpaste!
Last night my Mom flew to Houston from Denver. As she passed through the TSA security check point, the guards notified her that she would have to relinquish her recently purchased black cherry jam. You can imagine the disapointment she must have felt since black cherries don't really grow in Houston.
I experienced a similar disappointment last year when flying to Cozumel. I had just bought some new toothpaste. In my excitement to get to Mexico I forgot all about having packed in my carry on baggage. I forgot about it until, that is, I was notified that I would have to hand over my toothpaste. Doh!
To me it was a feeling of disappointment and bewilderment, akin to having my bike stolen a few years ago. This was further compounded by the regret that I could have saved my toothpaste from the grubby paws of the TSA had I put it in a ziploc bag. Why a ziploc bag anyway? It must have something to do with explosives. But it borders on absurd to think that somehow would-be-bombers are thwarted by putting their liquid explosives in plastic bags!
The question arose in my mind, "What do they do with all the contrband anyway?" My mother and I can't be the only ones who have forgotten to put our jams, toothpastes and other dangerous fare in protective zip-loc bags.
It turns out that the airports are turning a tidy profit on these items! http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2006/08/12/national/main1890143.shtml . This article reports that the Pennsylvania airport is making about 100-200 thousand dollars a year auctioning off those confiscated pocket knives and scissors on eBay!
And as for the toothpastes and black cherry jams of the world? The fortunate (or unfortunate) community of homeless get those. While I don't mind that the homeless are getting a break at my expense, I do mind that the TSA apparently has so little concern for their safety that they are shipping the homeless hundreds of potential bombs and chemical warfare agents!
But you'd have to be nearly subhuman to be that blatently calous and uncaring for the poort. No, there's probably an easier explanation. The real reason they ship my toothpaste to the homeless is that the TSA has very little conviction that my toothpaste and my mother's black cherry jam is anything other than what they are supposed to be. Which reminds me....why did they confiscate my toothpaste again?
2 comments:
Wow! I had no idea that any airports were doing this. It makes perfect sense. I've been grooming an idea for quite sometime about a possible business that would nestle well alongside the store "Things Remembered" in local malls. My store would be called "Shit Forgotten", though I'm sure I would have to adjust the name in some locations. The premise is a store that collects all the items from the mall lost and found after they've been left for forty-plus days and then sell the items at a discount price. In order to keep enough stock, I would obviously have to collect from stores outside the mall in the surrounding community.
In addition to "Shit Forgotten", I am currently working with a friend on a store called "Victor's Secret". Obviously this is a store comparable to "Victoria's Secret" but with a primarily male client base. We’re not ruling out any possible female clientele though.
And so another industry is born - the "sell the illegal flight contraband" business. Capitalism in America is indeed alive and well.
Meanwhile, we all get treated like potential terrorists, now, thanks in part to the double high-clearance super top secret document uncovered that clearly shows that a tube of toothpaste can be mixed with blackberry jam to create a highly explosive paste. Interestingly enough, fumes emitted by ziploc bags seem to neutralize the paste.
You didn't hear about these secret plans? Well, they were discovered by the last airport agent who sold contraband on eBay.
Incidentally, that same guy is filing a report that he believes that Rolex watches and pearl necklaces pose a severe security threat to flights, and must be confiscated immediately.
Honestly, the rampant out of control political correctness, and the twisting of people's fears in this situation pisses me off every time I read about something like this.
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